MY DEMENTED DIARY

DANGER: HEAVY BLASPHEMY

NO RELIGION IS SAFE ON THESE PREMISES

EQUAL OPPORTUNITY SACRILEGE TO ALL CREEDS

April 26, 2013 - - - 8:06 a.m.

Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard

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Today we squeal with delight and ecstasy as we observe Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard of Belgium getting the respect he richly deserves. Hey, he uses holy water, why shouldn't his admirers use their choice of water?

Yesterday's quest to Baltimore, the City of Cone Zones, was interesting, to say the least. It involved going up in one vehicle and coming back in two.

We were faced with the prospect of navigating multiple detours, and I have only marginal familiarity with the geography of Baltimore.

Not only that, but the car I was driving back had an automatic transmission and a "ketchup-bottle" gas pedal. (Remember Ogden Nash's little ditty, "Shake and squeeze the ketchup bottle, first none comes and then a lot'll.") Step the gas a little, nothing happens. Step just a wee bit more and the car bounds forward with a mighty leap.

So I was greatly relieved at finally somehow or t'nother getting out of Baltimore.

So then, traffic on I-97 was nice and smooth. Traffic on Md Rt 3 and USeless 301 was not so smooth. The interchange off of USeless 301 onto Md Rt 4 was even scarier than usual. Maybe I shoulda oughta of taken the Village Drive bypass.

And then along about Plum Point Road (about 3 miles north of Prince Frederick) or thereabouts, traffic came to almost a total halt. About an hour of traveling below walking speed, I finally got to the cause. A huge multi-car pile-up, both lanes blocked, police trying to direct traffic by on the shoulder.

And all this in a car I couldn't get into motion without a lot of lurching.

And so I've decided I'm gonna try to make Nelson the Nissan last the rest of my life. It's a nice stick-shift, smooth running, easy to control in clogged-up traffic, and it's the small home-owner-size pickup truck nobody's making any more.

And so today I'll just stay home and maybe plant a plot of zucchini in Gordon the Garden.

Happy Friday!

OrneryPest

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