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DANGER: HEAVY BLASPHEMY

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EQUAL OPPORTUNITY SACRILEGE TO ALL CREEDS

January 05, 2014 - - - 6:08 a.m.

Saint John Neumann

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Today we celebrate a feast day in honor of Saint John Neumann. He's a pretty recently saintified saint, so I suppose his application to be patron saint of something is still being processed by the Human Resources Office of Heaven.

Yesterday's funeral was a huge crowd. I suspect the fire marshal woulda flagged the event for crowding the parish hall beyond the officially sanctioned limit. Fortunately, I think fire marshals go sorta easy on religions.

And so today in church, some unfortunate little baby is gonna become yet another victim of our idiotic ritual of Holy Baptism. That's right, folks, for the rest of his life he's gonna be expected to pretend to hallucinate mystic images of a three-headed sky-zombie.

Happy Hallucinating!

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