MY DEMENTED DIARY

Oh by the way, folks,
oldest entries are deleted
to keep the total entry
count at 666 because
that number is sure to
rile up somebody who
sorely needs it.

GUEST BOOK

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A Walk Through the
Valley of the Shadow

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Today we celebrate a feast day in honor of Saint Matthias. He was the apostle chosen to replace Judas after the Crucifixion.

You see, there's something magic about the number twelve instead of eleven, so they couldn't just toss Judas out without replacing him with somebody nobody ever heard of and nobody will ever hear of again anyhow.

Yesterday's birthday party for our 90-year-old church lady went great. About 160 people in a room canonically appointed for 96, so it was awful crowded.

The best part was that it was catered, and the catering company did everything, including cleaning up afterwards. The only thing we had to do was rearrange the place for this morning's service.

Of course, rearranging was the usual mass confusion, with lotsa folks trying to help but they don't realize the tables get stashed in two closets, so we take down only half of them at a time, then wait for more cleaning up to get done before we can open up the other closet. So folks were left standing around with taken-down tables that they didn't know what to do with.

And I noticed that several women there appeared to have been taking makeup lessons from the character Penelope Garcia on the Criminal Minds television show. Now, folks, Penelope Garcia makes a great TV show character, but if you actually see a woman in real life with that horrible smudge-pot makeup job you'll gag.

Anyhow, today is the canonically appointed day to try to boss God around by chanting mystic incantations at our own belly buttons, and then the rest of the day looks like it's gonna be great.

Happy Sunday!

OrneryPest